Reason for breathing
by McWilsonluvr08
Summary: Tag to episode 8x09 citizen fang. Both brothers remember what they never should have forgot.


I own nothing, hope you guys like my first Supernatural story...

* * *

"Hey Dean?"

"Yeah."

"How come you always stay quiet when I yell at you or freak out? You never get pissed or yell back."

"You're an idiot Sam."

"Excuse me?"

"You...are a tall idiot."

"Well you're...smelly."

"I know for a fact that's bull, dirt makes me itch AND...chicks don't go for dudes that stink."

"..."

"Why the hell are you asking me this anyway?"

"Why the hell won't you answer the question?!"

"..."

"You're doing it again. Every time I yell or raise my voice you just...shut down. That hurts man."

"Wanna know what hurts Sammy? Having to have a conversation like this when you're drunk."

"How..."

"It took you five minutes to open the door with your key. I've seen you pick locks faster than that."

"That doesn't mean anything."

"The door was unlocked Sam."

"...uh."

"And you reek of booze. You say I stink? Take a whiff of yourself little brother."

"Dean..."

"I repeat, you're an idiot."

"Dean..."

"Dumbass. You're lucky we aren't on a job right now-"

"Maybe I'm drunk for a little bit of liquid courage! You ever think of that? Huh?!"

"What the hell are you talking about?"

"I needed a push, so I could talk to you."

"Wait, let me get this straight. Sam Winchester...geek boy wonder, needed to get drunk to have a conversation with his own brother."

"Yes. Dammit yes he DID."

"So it's okay for you to get smashed but not me Sammy? And why the hell do you need alcohol to talk to me?"

"I've never really seen you drunk, except that time we needed to be in order to see that ghost. Even then you were in control. Always in control..."

"What do you care?"

"BECAUSE IT PISSES ME OFF!"

"..."

"Stop doing THAT."

"What? Being in control? Calling you an idiot? Be specific Sam."

"Stop shutting down Dean. Stop pretending."

"I have no idea what you're talking about, and you never answered my question. What's with the liquid courage?"

"A drunk man's WORDS? IS A SOBER MAN'S THOUGHTS!"

"Apparently. Think you can tone it down Daffy?"

"What?"

"..."

"Why are you smirking?"

"I just mean, say it don't spray it Sam. The times to be without a camera..."

"Oh. Don't change it around Dean. We're gonna talk!"

"So talk little brother."

"Just tell me why. Why do you shut down when I yell?"

"We're not talking about this Sam."

"YES WE ARE! I DID NOT WALK MY DRUNK ASS BACK HERE, HAVE A PANIC ATTACK AT THE DOOR, ONLY TO HAVE YOU SHRUG ME OFF. YOU'RE GONNA TALK TO ME."

"You know I'd refuse to answer this question had you asked it sober, so what makes you think I'd answer it while you were drunk?"

"Because if you don't I'm gonna whip your ass."

"Really now? Okay. Your move Sam. Let's do this."

"..."

"Exactly what I thought. Go to bed Sam, you're wasted."

"..."

"What the fuck? Are you crying?"

"Why don't you care about me Dean?"

"WHAT?"

"WHY DON'T YOU CARE ABOUT ME?!"

"Dude...you are one bipolar drunk."

"..."

"Calm down Sam."

"SAM. Calm down. You're hyperventilating."

"You didn't correct me. Oh God, you really don't care. You...you..."

"Dammit! Sam, you need to calm down. Sam!"

"..."

"Sam? You with me?"

"Dean?"

"BREATHE Sam. You need to breathe."

"Why? You hate me."

"You think I hate you so you're not gonna breathe?"

"No...no reason to..."

"...you're scaring the shit out of me dude."

"BREATHE!"

"..."

"Of course I care. Why the hell wouldn't I? What do you think got me through purgatory?"

"Benny."

"Guess I deserved that."

"And Cas."

"...I should have seen this coming. I'm sorry Sammy."

"For what?"

"You never handle...my absence well. When I went to hell you shacked up with a demon out of desperation, when you had no soul and steered clear of me, well...you know how that ended. I've always been there for you, and when I'm not, you're lost."

"..."

"That's right Sam keep breathing. Just like me okay?"

"..."

"Good. Then once we link up again we're at each others throats. Keeping secrets and assuming the worst of each other. You'd think we learn our lesson by now. We forget that we're all that's left, and all we have is each other."

"..."

"That's right you're getting there. Just like me okay? It shouldn't have taken this for either of us to realize this. You shouldn't have to be drunk to get the courage to talk to me. I shouldn't be so damned..."

"Annoying?"

"Shut up...You really gonna ruin the moment?"

"I learned from the best..."

"I should have just let your ass hit the floor when you took a swan dive."

"But you didn't. Because when push comes to shove-sometimes literally, you always catch me when I fall Dean. Always. I'm sorry I forgot that."

"It's not your fault. I haven't exactly been a joy to be around. And the things I've been saying..."

"..."

"Don't cry Sammy."

"Did you mean it? Is Benny a better brother than I am?"

"Sam-"

"I could never live the life we do without you. I can't. You keep me sane. I didn't want to die in an abandoned house alone during a hunt gone wrong. You were the strategist. I was the geek. I know how to hunt, but I'm not a hunter. I can't do it without you. I can't man, I can't..."

"I understand you not wanting to hunt man. And from what I gather I'm glad you didn't while I was gone. I don't want you going out like that either...with me or without me backing you up. As for Benny...I meant what I said. He's never let me down. BUT, I also meant what I said right after dad died."

"It's too little too late for me?"

"Where the hell do you get this shit? No dumbass. You are the most important person in my life. As long as there is breath in my lungs I will protect you. That's why I sent that text. Benny is a helluva fighter. I didn't want you hurt. I didn't trust Martin. And had you gotten hurt? I would have killed them BOTH. I'm barely holding on as it is. I didn't kill my way through purgatory with a vampire and angel who constantly fought like an old married couple to get back to MY reason for breathing only to lose him. Heads would roll. Literally.

"..."

"He laughs. You feeling better?"

"Yeah. Sorry for the freak out."

"I'm used to it. Growing up with a sister like you...I'm used to it."

"Shut up. Are you...okay? Really."

"I can still smell the blood. Feel it coating my hands, my arms, my face. I still hear the screams. The things I did down there. The constant combat...I'm not as in control as you think. When I got out, I think I left a piece of me there. A big piece. I'm afraid I'll never get it back."

"I'm gonna help you get that back Dean. I promise."

"You already are helping. And maybe it wasn't left there at all."

"..."

"Stop staring at me like that."

"Like what?"

"Like an affectionate grinning puppy. You're such a girl."

"Says the man holding me in his arms, running his hand through my hair even though my epic meltdown ended like 15 minutes ago."

"You stopped breathing. I was within my rights!"

"Let me up Dean."

"Fine, you'll have a major hangover tomorrow and don't come to me for comfort. All you will get is ridicule."

"Yeah yeah...at least the beds are soft."

"Yeah, you're definitely smashed."

"What?"

"Good night Sammy."

"Good night Dean."

"..."

"Shit he never answered my question!"


End file.
